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The Danger Of “Just Getting It Over With…”

19 Jan

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Because I do so much work with couples in distress, it’s inevitable I’ll work with couples in the midst of a divorce. So, I’m often there from the announcement through the final paperwork, which gives me great insight into the entire process from start to finish.

What’s Ebb-and-Flow and What’s Permanent?

6 Oct

I love seeing interviews with long-time married couples. They’re always so honest. For example, you won’t much hear about a 60 year-marriage that was total bliss or total despair. Instead, you’ll often hear stories about ups-and-d0wns, ebbs-and-flows, and peaks-and-valleys.

Fido Frenzy! How to Handle the Family Pet(s) and Divorce

25 Aug

When I was taking my Divorce Mediation coursework, I had a hard time relating to the lessons about pets and divorce. You see, at the time, I wasn’t a pet owner, and I had difficulty understanding how someone can become so wrought with anxiety over the fate of a family pet.

How and Why Pets Can Increase Conflict

18 Aug

When I first started my research for this post, my original thought was: Pets must reduce conflict because they reduce anxiety (in general). In fact, in our home, our new Chihuahau, “Nacho,” has significantly reduced conflict between my children, since they now have a distraction from their favorite pasttime (arguing with one another).

Do You Always Take the “Leftovers”?

28 Jul

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about my new “multi-generational” tennis class and the fantastic people I’ve met there. Well, one of those just happens to be my age (which is kind of a shocker), and, recently, she’s been dealing with ending her marriage.

Do You Turn In – Or Do You Turn Away?

12 May

One of the most common forms of conflict I experience in my work as a couples therapist has to do with the notion of “turning in – or turning away” from one’s partner. And, it’s also the most common predictor (in my opinion, anyway) of whether a couple will stay together or disconnect.

When Your Kids Get Divorced–Part II

7 Apr

At the end of March, I wrote a post about what to DO when your adult children get divorced. So, I’m here to follow-up with what NOT to do. Here’s the list, courtesy of Leslie Mann from the Chicago Tribune: Dont’t: Be surprised if your child regresses to the moody, angry teen you thought you’d […]

When Your Kids Get Divorced–Part I

24 Mar

When it comes to divorce, not a lot of attention gets paid to the parents of the child getting divorced. But, it can be difficult to watch your child experience the pain of divorce and equally as difficult to say good-bye to your daughter-in-law or son-in-law (in most cases, anyway!)

5 Facts About High Conflict Divorce

17 Mar

You hear the stories all the time–the ones about high-conflict divorce and the toll it can take on the children, the divorcing individuals, and even the friends and families involved. High-conflict divorce is never good for anyone, and yet, thousands of divorcing couples somehow find themselves in this kind of conflictual relationship.

Custody Agreement or “Wing It”?

10 Dec

I have a dear friend who got a divorce about a year and a half ago, and by all accounts, it was one of the most amicable divorces on file. As part of keeping it amicable, they decided to “figure it out” when it came to visitation and custody. After all, they were still friends, […]