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No-No’s to Live By

21 May

So, here are a few “no-no” phrases never to use when those conflicts do arise, courtesy of an article by Georgia Lee for FAMILYSHARE.

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  •  Profanities

Don’t fire back when your child hurls these at you. In the end, you are the adult and everything you do is teaching your child how to behave when he reaches adulthood.

  • “You’re/You’re a (insert any insulting label here)”

Part of fighting fair is constructively expressing your real feelings and concerns and then working toward resolving them. Labels and insults do neither and only cause hurt feelings or increased anger

  • “I never wanted you,” or “I wish I never had you!”

Questioning the validity of your child’s right to exist is never a thought you want to implant in his mind — and it may come back to haunt you if he tries to make it a reality.

  • “You were a mistake,” or “You ruined my life!”

Being born was not his decision — it was yours. And even in the heat of the moment, making such an ugly claim says more about you than it says about him.

  • “Why can’t you be more like __?”

He is who he is, and asking him to be someone else is the same as telling him, “You’re not good enough the way you are.”

  • “I hate you,” or “I don’t love you!” 

Let’s hope neither of these statements is true. Even if they are true, they still don’t need to be said — and it might be time for counseling!

  • “Shut up, I don’t care!”

Listening is much harder and much more important than speaking.

  • “I’m leaving,” or “I’m not coming back!”

Don’t ever give your child a reason to feel abandoned. If you need to step outside to get some air, do it. But don’t take your keys, and give yourself a time frame in which to return. Then, come back!

  • “Get out!”

Your child needs a safe haven to call home and a comfortable place to rest his head. Ripping this away from him is not only against the law, it causes catastrophic damage to your relationship. And your child may not be so willing to return when you’ve calmed down and want him to come back.

Conflict with your child is inevitable, but it doesn’t have to be destructive to the relationship. So, see if you can keep these phrases out of the fight the next time your child drives you mad!

Britt

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