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#staymarried

7 Mar

I have two nieces getting married this summer and naturally, they are very excited – creating wedding websites and making plans. And I certainly don’t want to rain on their special day …

however, we all know that hard times can also be hard of a marriage. And sometimes there will be disagreements and probably some fights too.

So one of my gifts to them will be this list of 10 Rules for Fair Fighting  And it applies not only to married couples but also anyone in a relationship.

Here it goes:

  • No name calling – this is a form of bullying
  • No interrupting – let the other person know you are listening – it does NOT mean that you agree
  • No yelling – when the volume goes up, so does the intensity and the lessens likelihood you will be heard
  • No blaming – there’s probably plenty of blame to go around – on both sides
  • No swearing – I’m told that in some relationships, this is is totally acceptable, even in good times – in my opinion, it doesn’t help
  • No sarcasm – this is usually done with the intent to wound the other person and it’s not constructive at all
  • No defensiveness – be curious instead – ask for more information to understand the other person’s side
  • No generalizations (you always, you never) – if you think about it, these are most likely not true – be specific and give examples
  • No silent treatment – how is the other person supposed to read your mind?
  • No leaving without picking a time to talk again!

And #staymarried is also a terrific resource providing lots of food for thought when times are tough and also when they’re not.

Jeanette (Aunt Nettie)

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