When Fair Isn’t Equal–The Sequel

19 Nov

Jeanette’s post this past Monday about parents who support adult children really hit home for me, and I felt I just HAD to respond. You see, I’m the “other” kid, the one who feels some resentment toward a sibling who has turned to Mom and Dad for financial support…and more financial support…and more financial support. You get the idea.

Jeanette’s right. When a parent financially supports one child but not the other, resentment often follows. And, the “other” child wonders–why am I working so hard to be financially independent when my sibling simply takes hand-outs to make ends meet?Business and Corporations

But, that resentment can often leave the “other” sibling feeling guilty. After all, doesn’t the Bible teach us that resenting a sibling is wrong (remember the prodigal son?)

So, how am I supposed to feel–angry or guilty? And, where does that leave things? Usually unresolved.

In my case, I finally confronted my Father about the situation. And, it turns out, he understands the unfairness of it all. In fact, he’s keeping track and taking note of all the “donations.”

In my opinion, it’s important to forgive yourself for your feelings–if you feel some resentment toward a sibling in cases like this, it’s pretty normal. But, it’s also important to know Mom or Dad would do the same thing for you, if you needed it. Who knows if or when YOU’LL need a hand-out?

In the end, I’ve tried to turn my resentment into gratitude. I feel grateful I’ve managed to make it on my own (for the most part). And, I realize that no one WANTS a hand-out really. Instead, they feel they have no choice.

After thinking it over, I realize the idea of fairness isn’t a one-size-fits-all concept. Sure, it’s unfair that Mom and Dad financially support my sibling, but it may also be unfair that I’ve had the good fortune not to need it.




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